we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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