eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
