Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
