I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
