It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
