its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
