i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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