I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
