He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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