Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
