I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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