I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
