I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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