I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
