She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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