Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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