I think my vagina is haunted
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
