You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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