WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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