I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
