so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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