dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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