You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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