at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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