Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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