dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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