You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
