My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize