Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
