our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize