The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
