dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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