I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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