A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize