Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
