Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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