let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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