There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We need a shit load of segways right now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
