am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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