Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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