her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize