Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize