Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
