at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
