she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Slut skills are useful in every country.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
