dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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