I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
