At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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