O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
