I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
