we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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