Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize