my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
