I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the condom got lost in my hair
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
