the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize