Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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