My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
