This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
