I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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