i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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