Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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