Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Its about making memories worth repressing
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
