There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
