I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
