why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
