i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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