I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
