oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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