I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
