I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
