yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
