Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize