I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
