I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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