but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize