Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
