Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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