why didn't you poke me back
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
