Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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