what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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