We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
