i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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