Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
