Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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