when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
