Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
