She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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