I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
