I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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