you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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