i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
