Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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