I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
