fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm having to shit out rocks
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