I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
