Non-Jews are for practice
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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