Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
