I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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