But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
