i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
only if we run a train.
done.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize