thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
