I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
