Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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