i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can I color on your dick again?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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