I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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