I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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