I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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