I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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