So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
