the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
