weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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