i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
