I showed him my bush... on skype.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
