I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
