Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
