So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
