Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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