What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
