My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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