we have pet lesbian snakes
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
