They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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