please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
