"it" just moved
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
